Are you getting to the point where you know you have to do more, and do better, to take better care of your goals and dreams?
I share with you how I felt when I realised I wanted change, to help you put words to the sensation, highlight you are not alone, and encourage you to go forth by giving some advice…
You might not know all the answers. Nor did I, but it was time I was truthful to myself about the position I was in.
No more hiding in the dark.
Like me, you can no longer be waiting on anyone else to give you the key to live your dreams.
Whilst on holiday this year, I watched the last episode of ‘War & Peace’. I don’t often watch TV, mostly owing to the fact that we haven’t a TV licence, but it was an astounding series. Such brutality, but also such humanity in the face of crisis, as social ranking and the invisible walls cast on society were shattered in a united fight of survival. In this episode, an extremely kindly gent, a peasant, locked up with other war prisoners, gave half a baked potato to the local master, battered and bruised, locked up with him. It was the only food he had
So we are all the same.
As Brendon Burchard says, in his fine book, ‘The Motivation Manifesto’, on page 10:
“We hold these truths to be self evident: That all men and women are created equal, though we do not live equal lives due to differences in will, motivation, effort, and habit”.
It’s what we put in that makes the difference. In that episode, the kindly Landlord actually ended up wanting to be more like the peasant. His kindness was worth more than gold.
I used to wish I knew how to create my destiny, but now I know. It’s a little bit about being reckless. You have to hold the mast strong in the face of the oncoming storm of hatred, difficulty, hardship, and people trying to undermine you. And people being mediocre too; pulling you down, not believing you can do or change anything, often those who live their lives thorough others in the form of just TV.
I used to live in those silent walls cast on humanity. Believing we all have to behave a certain way, that we have to fill the place made for us, because there’s no-where else to fit. Believing, first of all, that we all have to behave.
As children there are repercussions, but we are children no more, and we must get out of this foolish habit of trying to please everyone.
Personally, I know I’m terrible for it. Always trying to please people, always trying to look okay in their eyes, living up to what I think their expectations of me are.
What a waste of time.As Alex Eastman so rightly pointed out, when you’re worrying what so-and so thinks of you, the truth is, they’re probably not even thinking of you!
So don’t waste your time. The only thing that matters is, are you okay in your eyes? Are you focussing on what is important to you, rather than playing the game of vanity? Have you considered if trying to impress someone else is taking away valuable energy that could be used elsewhere in your life?
See, one thing I realised is, you’ve got to be ruthless. And it’s not easy to do. If you had told me two, maybe even one and a half years ago, to be ruthless, my jaw would have dropped in horror. How could I be? It’s so against everything I was taught. It ’s so not…ME! But you have to be.
See, here’s the truth-either you are running your life or someone else is running it for you.
So who’s sat at YOUR steering wheel? Is it you? Is it you and a bunch of other people? Are you happy for them to be there with you? Are you more in control than not? Have you taken your hands off the wheel entirely, and if so, what are the effects?
Who’s secretly ruling your decisions? Whose approval, or way of life, do you think about when you go to do something YOU want?
These are seriously uncomfortable questions, and before now, I would have done absolutely anything to run away from them. But you gotta answer them, if you want to really move ahead.
Now, just to be clear, being ruthless,doesn’t mean you have to be brutal and nasty with everyone you know. You don’t have to be a selfish ass. You just have to recognise that some kind-hearted folk are pulling in a direction they want to share with you, but just isn’t the right path for you. Their passion isn’t yours.
To give you an example here, I use to ring church bells. I was taught at 14, and my Ringing Master put in many hard hours teaching me, and my brothers. Now I’m 26, I don’t ring (hardly) any more, and only do so when I return to my home tower. It’s not personal-I just grew out of it. And yes, I did feel bad on the Ringing Master for doing so. He was disappointed, and that hurt, but I had to go on with my life. It just didn’t fit anymore. I’d outgrown it.
You will too-you’ll grow out of situations, people, places. It’ll happen very slowly, but at the most noticeable point, you’ll look about, going: “What the hell am I doing here-this isn’t me anymore!” and you won’t know where else to go. But hold fast, keep strong-new opportunities are opening up to you, because as one door closes, another opens. Just stop expecting to know where to look for it-it’ll come to you. Stop scratching at closed doors that are meant to be closed. They’re closed to keep you wandering down the hallway ’til you find the right one.
It’s going to be lonely. And sometimes it hurts. And yes, it’s difficult to explain to friends what’s going on. They might not get it. You’re going to injure some egos on your way, let me tell you. It’s okay-one day they’ll understand, because most people get to that same point. We’re all catching a train, we just leave the station at different times.
The other thing I realised is that life really is what you make of it. My brother once told me that. Again, I guess it comes down to living in a conformist society. I was quietly conforming, but not necessarily realising it, or knowing why, believing certain things were ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Given the choice, I’d probably be a gypsy. A life of living simply, having a great international community, who are not too bothered about outdoing each other with flash possessions, or top notch careers, but enjoy good, hard graft, and their birth-right freedom of the land (before humans decided they could divide it up, and sell it off.) I mean, what’s not to like? But I’ve been taught ‘gypsies are bad. They don’t commit long term, and they don’t pay taxes like us’ No, they’re just different. If they’re decent, and using unused land for free whilst we’re busy paying stamp duty, and this & that tax, well, more fool us!
You gotta abolish the conformist led thoughts. And believe me, you’re going to be shocked by what comes up once you put your beliefs under the microscope. Some values will be so knit into your psyche, they will have become part of your identity, and been so for a very long time. But the world is changing. What is right and wrong are subject to opinion, and opinions are changing as we understand more about the world around us, and the different ways of living life. We’ve more freedom and choice than ever before, so before you go ahead, make sure your thoughts are your own.
Please know that this moment, when you are feeling frustration, but also a burning desire for something different, but not knowing what that is, is very important. It means that you as a person, are changing. And that’s the start of the ripple effect.
Remember, you will feel isolated at times, but if we are to move forward we can’t stay still. Your train has arrived. Get on it. Don’t let it pass, then sit there grumbling with people, places and situations you’ve outgrown on the platform, waiting for the next train, wishing you’d got on.
There never will be a ‘perfect’ moment, when everything is in place. If Churchill had waited for the opportune moment, Hitler could have won the war, and then where would we all be?
So grab whatever it is you want-go out & start to find it. Make lots and lots and lots of mistakes and fall forwards, never giving up until you have firmly in your hand and before your eyes exactly what it is you want. As Earl Nightingale said “Pay the price.”
There’s going to be times when it gets so hard, and so sad, and you get so lost, you’ll want to throw in the towel and give up. That’s why you’ve got to bolster yourself. Start listening to podcasts. Reading. Earl Nightingale, Eckhart Tolle, Les Brown. Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, Deepak Chopra, Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Rhonda Byrne, Abraham Hicks, Jonathan Lehman and all the greats.
But don’t wait for the map to have every ditch filled in before you set off to find the treasure trove. There’s going to be ditches no matter which way you go. So just do it. Seize it. And go forth.
P.S If you want to seize it and go forth by becoming a business owner and deciding your own life path, like me, sign up to some free information here.