I talk with you about what makes a relationship work, using my best friend of 15 plus years as an example!
Relationships: they’re bloody hard work.
How many of you have ever got into a relationship, only to find it cools down and simmers off?
Some people are like that. Doesn’t matter how much time they spend around you, you just never feel like you actually really know them. Whereas, other people, for example, my best friend…well, she’s been off the China and we’ve not spoken for eight months and still been right as rain when she came back.
It’s not a mystery. No, my best friend and I don’t have the same experiences. She’s a world-traveller-I’m a travel-phobic. We were together for a year, then split because I moved away to a different high school (and in fact, a whole new tiered system). Since then we’ve undergone numerous separate things: she went to uni, I didn’t, she’s got a boyfriend, I don’t want one, she wants to travel, I don’t, she’s not interested in the property ladder, I’ve got a mortgage. So how come we’re still friends? What makes us compatible?
It’s not just surface deep-I know that, no matter what I’m going through. No matter if she doesn’t understand it, I can call her, and I know that –she’s told me. Now, I don’t call her about very minor thing-we live in separate cities (countries even, though it’s an open border) And the thing is, I trust that the relationship is equal. No matter what, I have absolute faith that at some point, we will speak to each other.
At some point we will meet up. At some point we’ll do something. It’s not a ‘my turn, your turn’ thing. It just somehow works out equal. And I know she will put the effort into making it happen-100% believe that, because it’s happened in the past. Unlike so many relationships I’ve had-relationships with friends, or people of clubs etc-it’s easy to be in our relationship.
Now, that’s not to say we don’t have to make a point of communicating, or that meet-ups happen by magic. It’s just that we both trust we’ll do what we can (within reason) to make it work. And to be honest, making it happen, is fractional, and worth our enjoyment when we do finally meet. One of us will put something across, and the other will either say ‘yes’, or ‘no-can-do’, and suggest an alternative. I know where I stand.
She’s never angry (without reason-actually, she’s just never angry), or spiteful. She really makes the time to be in contact, even when she’s busy. I get texts like ‘I’m good. Work very busy. Must speak soon!’ and it’s just easy…effortless, almost, or definitely not emotionally taxing.
I don’t have to worry about what I put in a text. I can be sincere & honest.
She makes time in her consistently crazy schedule to make a space for me. And that’s what relationships should be like. The key is honesty, and consistency. If you have love, even better, but I tend to be resistant to that. But her dedication and commitment are so worthwhile. That’s why our relationship works; that’s why we’ve survived long term, no matter what the changes are, and that’s why we’re best friends. Honest openness, willingness and consistent communication are the key factors I have so far identified in making any relationship work.
In the future I’d like a stronger bond like that with my family. My Father died over two years ago now, but we never spent enough time together. It’s not that life is short-it’s that we don’t use it wisely. I now realise my family never had the strongest of bonds, but it can’t be too late. Before my younger brother finishes uni, and moves away, potentially for good, there has to be another chance.
I’ve still got breath in my lungs, so there’s still hope for me. Despite everything, and in light of all the other deaths over previous years before-friends, employers, family and family of friends-I realise that time is short, and a blessing. It’s necessary to look after your family-after all, no –one else will. The state does not give a toss, like you do, over whether they live or die, so long as they pay their taxes and don’t get into trouble. Not being supported by the Government when out of work, and needing it, has taught me so much.
So you’ve got to make a decision on what’s important to you. Decide, and seize it-it’ll disappear if you don’t. People don’t stay, unless you tell them you want them to. I always thought it would be the same, but we’re growing up now, and people are moving away. Things are changing.
We’ve all had separate experiences. But don’t forget to create your path-don’t be a victim of life. I never realised I even had a choice or that life could be different. I am just about realising that I can create whatever I want, if I decide, and if I know how. It’s a new mindset to me, to which I was asleep.
There are so many ways of doing life-don’t choose a way that’s not in line with your desires.
If you like what you’ve had, make an effort to keep it. If you don’t, change it. It’s possible for you. There’s a way for you. That’s why I started my own business. Because I will find more life, and more joy, and more ways to give, most of all to my family. I will love them more, no matter what it takes, even if it means letting them have more freedom, and personal space. It’s possible. And not being at work, away from my Mother, will enable me to do that.
If you decide that you’d like the chance to build something that could help you do the same, grab yourself some free education on what that could mean, before you make any decisions. What you do from there, is up to you.
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