16. Have A Vision But Feel Unmotivated? Can’t Be A**** Syndrome

Today’s topic is all about what to do when you know you should be doing something, but can’t be a**** to do it.

Relaxed or exhausted? Get active!
Relaxed or exhausted?

Do you ever get feeling you’re at a point when you know full well that you really should be doing x y or z in order to “move forward” or “progress” with your life, but you wake up with just no oomph whatsoever to do so?

Brendan Burchard, Motivational Speaker and author of the no.1 New York best selling title ‘The Motivation Manifesto’ tells us that: Motivation = Desire + Expectancy.’

Brendon Burchard Motivation Manifesto
Image courtesy of Brendon.com (Brendon Burchard Motivation Manifesto)

He tells us that without this belief we are really just ‘dreaming’. So it’s not enough just to have a crystal clear goal.

Having said that, if you DON’T have a crystal clear goal, that could be stopping you too. Earl Nightingale (sometimes hailed as one of the founding fathers of motivational speeches) tells us in  ‘The Strangest Secret’ that picking a goal, and “not a fuzzy one” is the most important thing you’ll ever do” and adds that “only, you must really wish this goal, and not wish a hundred other incompatible things at the same time.”

Earl Nightingale

Are you doing that?

Be 100% crystal clear on your goal. I went back to my vision last night. Every day, I try to read and focus on getting slowly closer to this end result, but as of late, I’ve been procrastinating over the next step. Why?

It was then I realised something was wrong.

The reason I couldn’t move ahead was because I actually had issues with my goal. There were things behind it that I just hadn’t picked up on, that were affecting not only my belief, but also my desire to make my dream become reality.

The result was I’d lost momentum & stopped dead in my tracks. 

See, my goal is to move back with my Mum. She lives 100 miles away. I moved out initially two and a half years ago, to live with and support my older brother, after his partner moved back to her parents after their first baby was born. Now, I’m a homely person, so I’m sure you’ll appreciate that I didn’t leave the comfort of a familiar home, family, and surroundings for a damp flat on the coast, where I knew no one and nothing, for seaside holidays.

Making sandcastles!

I’d always believed it would be temporary-for a few years at least-then I’d move back. Of course, we’ve had a few changes since then-my little bro packed off to uni, and my Dad died in 2016, leaving my Mum on her own.

Possibly these things have inspired me even more. I must say, I still don’t know many people round here (we’ve moved several times in the area since) and I don’t particularly feel I’ve grown any roots. Sure, it’s beautiful, with the mountains and the sea, but for me, no amount of physical beauty will ever make up for company to share it with.

Cool friends

So, my intent remains the same. Like I say, though, there’s been issues. When I checked over my goal-the one I’d initially wrote down (and I suggest you do the same) I realised I’d always made the assumption that moving back meant I’d have a better connection with my Mum. That was the underlying aim that I thought would make life more meaningful. 

Then I wondered if this would be the case. I’d gone back to my Mum’s the weekend before, and although we didn’t spend much time together (she had pre-arranged commitments) we got on fine, and I did the best I could to make her life easy (after all, no-one wants to be running about after their 25 year old child). But in terms of relationship strength, I think it would be the same as we have now, or even had before I moved out.

Now, I’m not saying that it would be any bad thing, but it is possible to have too much advice from parents, if you catch my drift. Even though you are 18 + and perfectly able to make most decisions yourself.

Unsure woman

For example, my Mum is quite particular about my hair. Far more particular then I happen to be, in fact, and I wondered if such small things could re-surface as contentions. Such things, I can honestly say, I have not missed.

Now, obviously my Mum says many nice things too, otherwise I wouldn’t bother to think of moving back, and Heaven knows, I could sure do more for her if I was at least in the same county…but I don’t want to accidentally go back at stage by attempting to go forward.

Going forth

See, unknown to me, I had an underlying fear that by attempting to go forward I was in some ways going back, and this was holding me up. For example, I certainly wouldn’t hook up with my old friends-not unless they’ve moved forward at the same pace, and there’s still compatibility, otherwise it’s just falling into an old groove.

If you’re anything like me, going forward means going forward-socially and emotionally-in terms of awareness and mindset. It’s not just appearing to go forward externally in terms of a career move, buying a house, or getting a new car. These things don’t actually mean you’ve become a better person, nor are they always indicators of growth, although many people assume otherwise. If it’s not what YOU want, then it’s just keeping up with the Jones’s.

Dead end sign

“Success is the progressive realisation of a worthy ideal.” Earl Nightingale.

Progress is only progress if it gets you towards a goal that you want. For example, me getting married, say, although to everyone else would look like progress, would for me, actually be an indicator of self-sabotage and conformity, because it’s not something I actually want in my life.

So, if you want your mojo back you’ve got to start being aware of subconscious imprinted ideals-in every culture-and make sure you’re not accidentally following something you don’t want by mistake. My goal comes from understanding that no-one will take care of my family like me, and from a great sense of duty inherited from my Grandfather, whose single wage raised, clothed, and fed 6 kids and a sick wife..all within a three bed house.

It’s ok to have breaks from life-especially from work. In ‘Top 5 Regrets Of The Dying’ by Bronnie Ware it was reported that many actually said they wish they’d worked less!

Sign saying 'You Are Worthy Of Love'

But when you do work, in order to conquer ‘I Can’t Be A***** Syndrome’ and succeed you have to face the fact that you can’t please everybody! I realise now that not moving back with my Mum doesn’t mean I’m neglecting her, (or my goal) if I can love and care for her some other way, which is actually my real aim.

So before we start careering towards Christmas too much, you have to be careful that you get what you really want, too. Take care to dream, plan & and work towards a true goal for 2019, and never accidentally conform, like I did, without knowing why.

Don’t be afraid to revise your goals as you go. Otherwise your might fall into the trap, lose your momentum, and end up with nothing.

Lost my mojo!

…and say this time next year “I guess I just couldn’t be a*****.”

 

Pip x

P.S If you have a true goal in mind, and wonder if, like me, starting your own business in 2019 could help YOU reach it, then get yourself some free info here first.  from the founders, Stuart & Jay.

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